A Roadside Attraction Wedding (Aussie Curves)

This week's #aussiecurves challenge was titled “wedding”, and since i've never considered what I might possibly wear in the unlikely event of an emergency marriage, I decided to interpret this as “wedding guest”. I think that's allowed. And it suits me perfectly because I did actually buy this awesome l'il dress to wear to my friend's wedding a few weeks ago. Since it was the day after my birthday, and an hour and a half out of the city, there was no shot in hell of getting up early enough to take photos, which was a bummer because I still need to write a (glowing) Modcloth review of it!

Today I was feeling especially flat (and particularly unphotogenic – as even Sam agreed). But despite the trials and tribulations of being a fat fab gal in the big city, we scoffed chicken parmas for lunch and skulked off in search of an unused alley for posing and prancing in. Urban wedding, yah?

Below are the results:

This is a pretty cute action shot, but what I was TRYING to show you was:

THIS DRESS HAS POCKETS!!

I am so all about dresses with pockets ...*swoon*

Oh me, oh my! Vintage hat, perched atop a nest of dreads \m/

So in love with this dress - the print, the cut, the pockets - everything.

It's called 'Roadside Attractions', and is available from Modcloth.

Sam thought he was being pretty smart, taking a close up of my boobs. 

But you know what? I like it! 

And you get to see the print up close!

Just a little tooching... 

Before I go, I must say: I am TREMENDOUSLY excited for Sunday. I'd kind of been thinking about what to wear, and then last weekend I read a couple of blogs about people freaking out about what to wear, so then I spent the WHOLE WEEK freaking out about what to wear!! MEEP! I've settled on a really gorgeous vintage dress that's been in the back of my wardrobe for ages because it is really hard to accessorise. I think i've done good, but there's been no test run of yet. We shall see! EEEEEEE! >.<

Embarrassing and Awesome Evidence of a Cocktail Boozanza

The birthday of my bestie and I falls exactly one month apart, so every year we have a shindig/hootenanny/gathering/extravaganza smack bang in the middle. This year (since we are getting long in the tooth), we decided to have a sophisticated little soiree – a cocktail boozanza.

It was a quaint affair, as you can see below.

This was less than half the booze! See that amazing vintage, glass cocktail

shaker with ingredient measurements down the side? I thrifted that - $6. 

Middle set of 6 tall glass glasses, and 5 pink martini glasses - thrifted; $11 for all. BOOM.

The evening started charmingly. We had a superbly stocked liquor cabinet, and fresh lemons and limes were prepared in tea pots (note: if you're going to do this, do make sure you strain the juice – the pulp causes havoc getting through the tea spout, we discovered).


My bestie and I were treated to a gift fit for queens (of which we were amongst many that night).

Sidenote: Sorbent should totally sponsor this blog.

One of our friends (the dark haired one above) is a reformed bartender, and he made us our very first martinis! Here we are, being fancy ladies about it:


The olives were delicious, the beverage was quite foul. Perhaps Vodka Martinis are better?

I can do bad, bad things to an olive or two. Like, eat them. 

The all time favourite drink of the night was definitely the “Thai Tiger”. It seems there are no photos (?!), but I will treat you to the recipe. The sounded weird. Do cocktails have 'recipes'? I don't see why not!

THAI TIGER – DELICIOSO EXTRAORDINAIRE

1 part lemongrass and ginger syrup

(you make this simply by cooking down 2 parts granulated sugar to one

part water with some crushed lemongrass and, if you want,

some fresh ginger and a lime leaf)

2 parts fresh coconut juice

(this is optional – i've never used it because i'm cheap, and they are amazing without)

1 part vodka

1 small chilli, sliced

1.5 parts freshly squeezed lime juice

(fresh is VERY important)

Sprite or 7-up

You just chuck everything except the sprite/7-up in a cocktail shaker with ice, shake your booty, and then strain into a glass (highball suggested, but not mandatory). Top up with sprite or 7-up, and garnish with some lemongrass, a sliver of chilli and/or a juicy wedge of lime! NOM

Now here's where things start to get really fabulous.

If you're unfamiliar with that bootiful diaomond ring, that's Sam of Sam Doesn't Know Things.

And then I got sick of my part frock (which was from Target, PS), changed into my pyjamas and fell asleep on the couch with Gomez. Sam was kind enough to snap us while we were vulnerable. And yes, my terry towelling Hello Kitty pyjama shorts are amazing, thanks for noticing :)

Fancy Lady Friday!

Today was an improptu FANCY LADY FRIDAY! I got this snazzy little black dress a couple of weeks ago from Savers, and today it busted out of my closet and onto my bod. When I bought it I was all like “oh crap, I don't have any gold jewellery to work with this”, and then for my birthday, I got a GOLD PINEAPPLE NECKLACE! Oh my god, oh my god you guys.

This was me. But fatter. And in black. And not anything like this.

Sam and I had a Fancy Lady picnic lunch, and then went in search of a Fancy Lady shoot location. And BOY did we find it!

The outdoor area of a very fancy hotel in the Melbourne CBD.

I actually don't know anything about this dress because the previous owner cut the labels off. But, I would hazard a guess it is a classic from Target (soft t on the end, naturally).

If you're pine-ing (see what I did there?) for one of these necklaces, I believe the gifter got it from Lovisa.

I don't even know what's happening here... either mild distaste at the sun reflections, or I momentarily became Mary Mary and the shackles were off my feet so I could dance. 

I've been doing really well at making myself wear lipstick, even when I feel like a clown. 

But it still goes on my teeth a lot. 

Sam, my lesbian lover. This photo personifies our friendship. 

Cos I can.

Too fierce to not include. I feel like a female Frank N Furter. 
Plus, i'm just chillin' with a Maserati. Yeah, whatevs. 

Sorry about all the photos, we went a little nuts (thanks to Sam <3). Also, as you've probably noticed, I have enhanced a couple of these, not because I didn't think they were pretty as is but because I find it fun and it's also good practice. And I have photography class on a Friday, so i'm always really inspired to experiment a little with photoshop.

Speaking of which, my photography teacher introduced me to a photographer today, and i've been totally jizzing over his work. His name is Joel-Peter Witkin, and he's an American photographer (born in the 30's) who creates the most exquisitely bizarre and often macabre scenes. I'm about to show you some of his more palatable stuff, but I WARN YOU: If you look more into his work, you will see some messed up things.

If you like that sort of thing, let's be friends. But if you're not, don't google image search his name, 'kay? I'm trying to be curteous and all that.

Harvest, 1984 Night in a Small Town, 2007

Some really interesting things about Witkin:

Apparently his work is so messed up because when he was a child he saw a car accident in which a little girl got decapitated.

A lot of his stuff uses real corpses, so he has to shoot in Mexico where it's legal.

None of his work is digital, it is all hand manipulated in the negative stage.  

Feast of Fools, 1990

Ars Moriendi, 2007

His work is obviously pretty polarising, and there is always the question of whether it's moral to use corpses for art. What do you think?

A Very Gaga Picnic (Aussie Curves)

This week's #aussiecurves challenge is PICNIC and the Melbourne Weather Gods threw us a glorious day for a picnic! And by picnic, I mean I sat in my garden (and on my porch) and ate donuts from Olympic Doughnuts in Footscray. They're positively the most delicious jam and cinnamon donuts in the city. Walkers wins at fancy fill (ha), and Byron Bay Organic Doughnuts win at dark chocolate filled, but Olympic wins at jam and cinnamon. And being in my local 'hood...

But I digress.

This is my picnic look, 'cos you never know when a picnic is going to turn into a hillbilly hoedown, right?

This top is so great. When I bought it, I thought I would feel like Gaga. Instead, I feel like i'm wearing a durian on each shoulder. But still, I ain't mad.

I bought these overalls secondhand over the summer, and I was pretty stoked to find them. So much so I way overpaid for them. But it's been my life's mission to find the perfect pair. I can die now (although i'd rather not).

If you look closely, you can see my earrings are a tea party set! They were a gift :) <3

Now that's out of the way, can we talk about other exciting things? Like the CURVY COUTURE ROADSHOW! Which is only 10 days away! Sam is coming with me, and i'm so goddamn excited. If you're not already, you absolutely MUST come. It's the first plus-size show to be included in Melbourne Fashion Week, and the first to promote independent designers. And there'll be stalls. I'ma spend sooooooo much moneh!

WHEN? Sunday 30^th March

WHERE? Meat Market Main Pavilion, North Melbourne

TICKETS? Get 'em 'ere: http://premier.ticketek.com.au/shows/show.aspx?sh=CURVYCOU14

GIVE 'EM SOME FACEBOOK LOVE: https://www.facebook.com/CurvyCoutureRoadshow

And while we're on the topic, can we also talk about how insanely amazing the artwork is, and how much we (I) LOVE Gemma Flack? Her whole portfolio is divine, i'm currently so obsessed with her work. You should stalk her. Here's two of my favourites: 

(Predictably)

(I want to be her ^.^ )

Lastly, is anybody else watching season 2 of My Mad Fat Diary? Is anybody else BAWLING in every episode? Did anybody else want to PUNCH Liam in the face last night? TELL ME I'M NOT ALONE IN THIS MADNESS!!!!!!

*runs for more donuts*

Channeling Leslie Hall (Aussie Curves)

I recently discovered the blog Danimezza, who has this awesomely cool #aussiecurves outfit photo challenge of the week, specifically for us fierce bitches. And it's part of an Australian blogroll. I get to be part of a BLOGROLL!! *squeals*

This week the theme is “secondhand”, and that's kind of perfect for my maiden entry post because about 90% of my main wardrobe pieces are thrifted (Savers 4 lyf \m/). But it also meant I had a really tough choice on my hands! In the end, I went with this shiny little number for 3 reasons:

1. This much bedazzlment across my chest makes me feel like one of my favouritest people-I-don't-know-in-real-life, in the whole world: Leslie Hall. And what's not to love about that?

Bitch needs to stop hogging all the awesome

(I stole that quote from a meme, but it's true)

2. It's one of my more recent purchases, and I haven't worn it yet.
3. This dress SCARES me. Why? Because it's moderately tight-fitting around the lower half. I usually wear fuller skirted clothes, because I am top heavy, and I “need” to balance out my upper half. I NEED to. Because that's more FLATTERING for my figure. You know what? I flippin' love this dress, it makes me happy, so FUCK FLATTERING.

For the majority of my life, i've been conforming to society's conditioning of what is and isn't acceptable to put on my already unacceptable body. What will make me look better, and what will make me look worse. I've gotten to the point where I both feel AND think that's just ridiculous. I have a fat tummy. I have a fat tummy in the nude, in pants, in a victorian bustle dress, in a spacesuit, in a kaftan, in anything and everything I could possibly wear. I actually ain't fooling no-one. And I actually don't have to.

So. I wore this dress. I wore it all damn day. And you know what? Nobody said anything, nobody looked at me funny. In fact, the splits up the side were kind of higher than I realised when I sat down, so I think a few people were checkin' out my damn fine thighs.

. . . . . . . . . 

THE STORY OF "THE DRESS"
a picture book

Shh... let's just take all cleverly positioned photos, mostly with my back to the camera.

Alright, i'll turn round. But MAN this is uncomfortable. It's all CLINGY.

Oh my GAWD, it looks like i'm pregnant! What'll I say if anyone asks?

How about "bitch please, it's an iced coffee baby"?

Followed by "ooh, did someone say donuts?"

And so, in summary:

FUCK FLATTERING

Some other “faux-pas” fashion goals for this year are to wear a pencil skirt, a wiggle dress, and *gasp* a CROP TOP.

Do you guys have a "scary" dress? What is it? Have you worn it?? Link me! :D

Cat, Cat, Cat, SUNRISE!

I've been lame. I've been sick. I've been grape. Huh? I mean, i've been LIVING on grapes, cos my throat is full of razor blades.

Despite ratta-tat-tatting on Death's Door (drama queen, much?), the uni deadlines have continued to creep. I have a photography assignment due tomorrow, and it was to be an “exploration of space”. Meaning, no people or objects.

So since it's been a whole week and not a blog post or an OOTD in sight... here, have some photos. I titled them “West Side Pride”:

AM City Views from Footscray

Suburban Dreams

Old Meets New

Breakfast Of Champions

Dinnertime Hustle

Departures and Arrivals

Surprisingly a Sunrise!

The only exciting thing I did do this week is see JOHN WATERS at This Filthy World Vol. 2. Which was not dissimilar to Vol. 1, but since I adore him so, it's totally forgiveable. It inspired me to rewatch Multiple Maniacs, and I screenshotted the best bit for you.

Mink Stole, giving it to Divine. Fear not, dear readers, that face is one of ecstasy...

“She inserted her rosary into one of my most private parts”

Lastly, I stalked my cat, Gomez, around the yard. And since he's SO ADORABLE, I know you want to see these shots. Happy cat snaps!