Melbourne, You Magnificent Beast of a Babe.

Holy wows! Things have been going nuts! Here it is...
So It's officially official that I was selected as one of the three poster girls for next year's Curvy Couture Roadshow!! Man, such efforts to keep that on the down-low for so long. This little piece of amazing news came around the time of my band (and close friendship) breaking up, and was a total lifesaver amidst a sea of devastation. Huzzah for the powers that be, and the Gods of Opportunity. 
Do YOU want to be involved? This weekend is the open casting call for runway models for the actual show (which is part of Virgin Australia Melbourne Fashion Festival, and is KIND OF A BIG DEAL). So you if you answered "YES!" then definitely check out the facebook event for more details and come along, even if you don't think you're experienced enough! I certainly don't feel like I am, but totes gonna fake it 'til I (hopefully) make it. As is my motto.
Also, check out my magnificent camel toe!! I mean, jumpsuit... 

All 3 poster girls, having epic chuckles and dance-parties on set.

Yours truly, Elyse & Jen <3

Next up: Here's some photos Sam and I took ages ago, and I kind of forgot to use/kind of didn't think my outfit was really worth a blog post. But, upon reflection (and realising I haven't done an outfit post in a thousand years so lower your standards, lady) I realised it's not so bad... AND MORE IMPORTANTLY: Melbourne is such an incredibly gorgeous city!! 
I've lived here for nearly 4 years now and although I still often stop and pinch myself to think that I exist and have such a wonderful life in this incredible city, it's also pretty easy to take it for granted.
These graffiti-filled lanes... I work, study, play, love and laugh amongst these lanes most days of the week. And I am so effing grateful for the beauty and wonder that constantly surrounds me. Check it.  

OUTFIT DETAILS

Dress: ASOS (purchased secondhand from Ms Annalog) Tights: City Chic Vest: thrifted Strawberry headband: made for me by Jacqui from Fashion and Pho Boots: Super cheap shoe shop in Fitzroy Sunglasses: eBay - search for "Mr Quiffy Sunglasses"

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Shakmina, Warrior Princess from the Planet Faragh Borgh

Shakmina, warrior princes from Faragh Borgh.Exiled to planet earth to accelerate urban decay.And to also prove that fat girls can still be totally smokin' with no hair. 







Umm, yes.I don't really know what else to say, except this:

Special thanks to my pal Ed Yates of Feature Creatures FX for mekkin' me bald! 

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The Red Shoes : ALTERNATIVE CURVES BLOG HOP!

TODAY IS A SENSATIONAL DAY!

Firstly, it is the first day of October which is (in Kobi Land) better known as HALLOWEEN MONTH! I have lots of exciting things planned both for blog-times AND for the real world. I LOVE OCTOBER!

But what could possibly make today even more awesome? This is the MAIDEN POST of the new Alternative Curves Blog Hop! The incredibly lovely and stylish Margot Meanie and I have been rallying the troops to create an online community of quirky, plus-size babes (check out the instagram and use the hashtag yourself!) and we decided to step it up a notch by organising a monthly, themed outfit blog hop.

AND TODAY, WE ARE KICKING THIS SHIT OFF.

The calendar was decided democratically by a small group of bloggers that Miss Meanie and I personally adore, and now the themes are set and you're all invited to play! If you're a blogger and want to be in on the Facebook chat, send a request to this group and check out what's going down in uber-babe-land.

Without too much further ado, this month's theme is "Alternative Fairytale", and I had heaps of fun looking up obscure fairytales and brainstorming! As you may know (or at least have guessed), I love stuff with a touch of the macabre :P So I splooshed a little bit when I came across a story published in 1845 by Hans Christian Andersen, called "The Red Shoes".

Here is an abridged version, retold through the ancient arts of vanity and fatshion...

Karen is a very poor girl who goes barefoot.

One day, an old lady adopts her and buys her a beautiful pair of red shoes.

Kazza is stoked.

When Karen is old enough to be confirmed, she chooses to wear her beautiful red shoes to church.
During the church service, Karen can think only of her red shoes.

After the service the old lady scolds Karen, telling her now that she is a grown-up christian she must never wear red shoes to church again. The next Sunday, Karen chooses to wear her red shoes to communion and again can focus only on how pretty she looks for the entire service.

As they are leaving the church, her shoes start to dance on their own and when Karen climbs into the carriage, she kicks the old woman violently before the coachman removes the shoes from Karen’s feet. The old lady falls ill and it is Karen’s job to care for her, but Karen is invited to a ball and decides to wear her red shoes to the dance rather than care for the sick old woman.

When Karen begins to dance, the shoes take on a life of their own. They dance Karen away into the dark woods. Terrified, she tries to tear the shoes off but they have become one with her feet
—she continues to dance through field and meadow, rain and shine for many days.

While dancing through a graveyard she sees an angel who tells her she shall dance until she is cold and dead, and will continue to dance even when she is nothing but bones. Karen dances unceasingly over hill and heath, and over thorns and branches until her skin is torn and bleeding.

She eventually comes to the house of an executioner and begs him to chop off her feet, so that she can finally rest. The executioner does as Karen wishes and the shoes dance away with her little feet
still in them.

(The rest of the story is a bit lame, so I just did what I wanted)...

She kisses the hand that wielded the axe and he fashions her little wooden feet and a pair of crutches. Karen now wishes to go to church to repent, but the red shoes, with her feet
still in them, dance in front of the church doors so that Karen cannot enter.
Karen weeps bitter tears in her narrow bare room and eventually the angel
 returns to her: He transforms her room into a church and as the organ plays,
Karen becomes so full of peace and joy that her heart breaks and she dies.

How fun is that?! I think the reason I fell in love with this story (aside from being able to justify buying a fabulous pair of EPIC red shoes) is that it reminds me of some sort of ye olde combination of Idle Hands and the Dancing Demon from the musical episode of Buffy. Am I right?!


As most often on my blog, photos are taken by my lovely love Sam and edited by yours truly!

I'm so excited to check out all the other babes interpretations of Alt Fairytale. Check back as the list below fills up with incredibleness!! xx

OUTFIT DETAILS

Literally everything is thrifted except the white skirt, which belongs to Jacqui. 
The stripey bustle is a separate piece that my mum gifted me.

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Release The Hounds...tooth (Aussie Curves)

The Aussie Curves theme this week is "favourite piece" and as (probably everyone is commenting) it's SO HARD TO CHOOSE FAVOURITES AMONGST MY CHILDREN! That's why I only have one cat, for goodness sake!

So, my favourite piece right at the second I was getting dressed that day is this divine Diana Dress from Bombshell Vintage. It fits me to perfection, and has the most adorable details like the belt and collar! It's right around this point I should be upfront and say that I was gifted this dress by the lovely Kate, by I am by no means obliged to say nice things about it. I'm gushing because I genuinely ADORE it, and it does, indeed, make me feel like a beautiful, bodacious bombshell.

For somebody who doesn't rate houndstooth very highly (despite owning this pair of custom-made houndstooth gladiator sandals), this dress WORKS and makes my rack look spectacular. If I do say so myself... It's also of the snuggliest, heavyweight fabric (? I am fabric name n00b)and i'm going to miss it during the summer - I think it will be too thick. But then we shall have a wonderful reunion next April, and it will be like sweet make up sex.







Bombshell Vintage have just released their new season lookbook for the collection "Fairy Floss Fallout" and holy shit there are some divine pieces in there! I will be saving my pennies for something, I just have to choose WHAT! Photos courtesy of Sam Masopust, photographer extraordinaire and semiotician in-the-making. 

OUTFIT DETAILS

Dress: Bombshell Vintage / Diana Dress Sandals: custom made in Hoi An, Vietnam Coat: Miller's (belonged to my Nana) Glasses: Quick Brown Fox (available on eBay, search "Mr Quiffy") Lipstick: Lime Crime / Red Velvet

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My Not-So-Secret Secret to Rocking a Crop Top (Aussie Curves)

The Aussie Curves theme this week is 'tee', and I instantly knew I wanted to wear this amazingly awesome Thick Chick crop by Candy Strike. She's one of my absolute favourite indie designers, and I can't wait to treat myself to one of her incredible swimsuits for summer!

Now, the crop top is a subject I feel passionately about. I don't consider myself any kind of croppy-goodness guru because it is still something that pushes me violently out of my comfort zone. BUT - I worked out the secret. And to be honest, I think it's a not-so-secret secret. Are you ready?..

Fake it till you make it.

Seriously, I know it sounds like the biggest pile of codswallop but I SWEAR by it. Obviously you have to get to the point of confidence where you can actually force yourself to leave the house in it, but when you do; hold your head high and put an extra wiggle in your walk, even if you're cringing inside.

If you're not quite there yet, you could start gently by wearing it around the house. Maybe let your partner or housemates see you in it? Then eventually take the dog for a walk, or wear it out for brunch. Just start doing it, and PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A FIG what other people are thinking, and in some amount of time (might be next month, might be next year) you actually won't. I promise.

Now like I said, i'm not being all preachy and know-it-all, i'm just sharing this tip that I discovered. When I first started seeing crop tops on incredible babes like Tess Munster and Gabi Fresh, I always managed to convince myself that it works for them but it wouldn't work for me because they (insert excuse like; "have a better proportioned body", or "don't have as visible stretch marks as me") etc etc. But the other thing that got me through that initial stage was just sheer rebelliousness and rage at the world.

The first time I wore a crop top in public, I was terrified, but more importantly I clung onto the feeling that I was giving the world a big, giant FUCK YOU and flipping it the metaphorical bird. And essentially, that's what I was doing, and that is what all fat girl's do every single time we "break a fashion rule". And I have come to LOVE that feeling so much. And I really think you will too. Give it a go? What's the WORST THING that could happen?..

Thanks to Sam for my photies <3

In summary of my argument - 

OUTFIT DETAILS

Top: Candy Strike

Skirt: K-Mart

Earrings: I bought them at Quick Brown Fox but have also seen them at Kinki Gerlinki

Boots: Docs, painted by me

Head scarf: this eBay seller

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What Did They Get Me? MA-LI-BU BARBIE.

So it's Job Interview week on Aussie Curves, and (I swear this wasn't intentional) but whilst everyone else is going super-realistic "this is what I would wear to an interview in my industry", I seized the opportunity to pretend i'm some sort of corporate hotshot and dress accordingly.

Brace yourself for my 'Gallery Owner Realness'...

And just because I couldn't help myself...

Big thanks to my love, Sam, for the photos. We actually took a whole shitload of photos and then realised we hadn't put the SD card back in the camera!! Silly kids. 
Apologies if nobody gets this post's title. It's an Addams Family Values reference. I couldn't help myself. Some of these faces are so severe, I think there may be a beautiful psychopath hiding not too far beneath the surface...

Source

OUTFIT DETAILS

Top: City Chic Leggings: 17 Sundays Shoes: Girl Express (procured at Savers, and no I cannot walk in them) Earrings: Lovisa Bag: Cab 55 Lipstick: Lime Crime / Wicked

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