Revolution of Revulsion - H&M : you suck!

Call me a tad naïve, but before I came to America I had the impression that it was approximately 1000 times easier for fat girls to get their hands on dope plus size threads than it is in Australia. Given how many “celebrity” indie designers this country holds (ok, ok – “celebrity” within the community), given how many more people in general there are, and given how much more buying power the plus size amongst them must have... I believed it was going to be a utopia of finally being able to shop in department stores, and excitedly stumbling across cute and trendy boutiques with a vast range of sizes. Like, all the time.

This past week in America has got me reeling, because I am having a really hard time finding any establishments to take my dang money! And trust me – money for fashion, I currently have. It's one of those times where you've saved really hard for something (this trip), and you can justify making a bunch of big ticket purchases because, well, you literally NEED that stuff (dope clothes). When I moved here I brought 3 summer dresses and a pair of jelly sandals – a month later, this bitch is getting some serious wardrobe fatigue.

So last week, after spending days exploring Boston (hey blisters), I managed to find the one H&M store that (still?) has a plus size section.

I was already feeling a little raw because i'd recently asked in two other H&M's – to the sound of crickets. I'd struck out at a Forever 21 - “sorry, not here”. And i'd been so tremendously body-shamed asking about plus size underwear at a Lord & Taylor that for the first time in close to 5 years I thought I was going to cry in the middle of a shop.

When I got inside the H&M in Newbry, Boston and saw that “PLUS” category listed on the wall at the entrance (always so tactfully right beside “MATERNITY”) I metaphorically fell to my knees and kissed the ground.

That is until I made it upstairs and found the 2 metre by 2 metre display.

You guys... what, the actual, heck?

My eyes began to bleed as I surveyed the offerings: oversized t-shirts, floaty tops (2004 wants it's trend back, y'all) and the “flattering” khaki array. I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat, and the situation was made even worse by my quick glances over at the rest of the floor, and peeks of the ENTIRE WALL displays from downstairs: Thin Girl Land... *whispers*
feathers, faux furs, pleather, pleats, short shorts, tapered legs, strapless, racer backs, crop tops.

All the things that I am not “allowed”.
WE are not allowed.

Talk about rubbing salt in my open fashion wound.

To sound only half as dramatic as it felt: I was angry, and baffled, and terribly alone. I gaped around to see another girl of size rummaging through the racks with a few things tentatively in her hand. The outfit she had on was drab and uninspired, but I wasn't judging her on that because more importantly; I could see she was not excited by fashion. Not even a bit. And how could she be?

And then another chubster girl entered the area and started shuffling through the rack beside me, and I heard her grumbling to herself. I looked over and we made eye contact, and she finally mirrored what my brain had been screaming for the past few minutes; “this stuff is DISGUSTING!”

“HOLY SHIT I KNOW!!” I ecstatically exclaimed, so damn relieved that somebody else felt the same way.

“What, so because i'm bigger I have to wear SWEATS?” her adorable accent asked me, as she held out an actual pair of sweatpants.

I literally hugged her.  

----
So here's the thing – why does H&M (and other stores running a similar racket) even HAVE a plus size section, if they don't actually value their plus size consumer?

Are we supposed to feel grateful? Or relieved that we have been granted the honor of getting to say we own at least one item from H&M (/insert other ignorant conglomeration)?

Although it makes me mad as hell, I actually find a SHRED (just a shred) more respect in companies who don't even have larger offerings. In my opinion, it's one thing for a company to say “nah we don't want fatties in our clothes because we feel it diminishes our 'cool' image”, and quite another for a company to say “oh your FAT MONEY is good enough for us to take, but only on the proviso that you continue to feel shit about yourself, and sit over in the naughty corner and watch all the other pretty things on display and know that YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THOSE THINGS because you don't deserve them. Oh, but MONEY PLEASE” - as they hold out their greedy and narrow-minded hands.

Here's what else I don't get: why is it SO HARD to make the clothes they ALREADY MAKE but in a LARGER SIZE?! Yes it requires a bit more fabric, but I bet you anything that the .5c less profit on each plus size item sold (when compared to the profits of a straight size item sold) are totally negligible, and would be well overshadowed by the fact that they have an almost untapped market of larger ladies who are in desperate need and want for some decent choices in the fast fashion arena.

THEY CAN DO BETTER. And the fact that they aren't makes me scratch my head and reach for the nearest conspiracy theory about multi-billion dollar fashion companies also being the diet industry, who are profiting off us from every angle of the game. But that's just crazy, right? Right?

So here's what i'm proposing:

If you feel that this is NOT GOOD ENOUGH, please share this post (or anything in it) and make some noise about your own experiences in these places. I'm not sure they're aware that this is how a lot of plus size women feel, but if they don't – THEY WILL. 

Post your fiercest fat girl fashions on any social media platform and let's show them #whatfatgirlsACTUALLYwear.

Note: all of this ranting also applies to the men's section - maybe even two-fold. I just don't write about that because I don't have personal direct experiences with it, but please know that for every time I go into battle for women's fashion, I am hoping that it will help pave the way for a more accepting situation in all facets of the industry.

Another note: I am tremendously aware that fast fashion is bad, and I am pleased to say that 95% of my regular wardrobe is either recycled, upcycled or comes from indie designers. This battle is more about social justice and the right to options for people of different sizes and economic backgrounds.  

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH!
FACEBOOK           INSTAGRAM           BLOGLOVIN

HAPPY FIRST BLOGIVERSARY TO ME!

Holy freakin' sour-cream-laden guacamole! It's my blogiversary! My online world is a grand total of ONE today! Any excuse for cake (or homemade zucchini bread), right?

Well officially, I actually made a couple of posts previous to that, but they were trials after which I disbanded my efforts and the domain remained dormant for nearly a year.

Regardless, this day one year ago was the true beginning of what has so far proven itself to be an incredible journey. I'd been lurking on the edges of the blogosphere for a couple of years before that, and oh so wishing to be a part of it all, but not really understanding why, or what it could possibly come to mean to me.

So, if you're interested, here's a few points:

1. Writing, in itself, is an incredibly important skill that I highly value. In my own (very conversational) style, I one day hope to master the shit outta that skill. So far, this blog has assisted me in developing my style in a manner that helps to process and articulate my thoughts and feelings, and allows me to reconcile my intellectual, emotional and physical existences. And for every page I write, i've read 10. Because writing is developed by reading.
Oh, and proof reading. Also, that.

2. Discipline; I don't care what anyone says, blogging (for me) is hard work. I imagine it helps that that i'm passionate about it, but as with anything that requires consistency and commitment; sometimes it's tough. I envy bloggers that have the ability to pump out a post every day, but when I sit back and look at the big picture: that's not my primary concern. Quality over quantity is my goal, and i'm slowly learning to be ok with that.

3. Factors such as the relative anonymity of the internet allow me to be vulnerable in ways that I sometimes struggle with in real life, and I think that's a marvelous stepping stone.

4. Blogging may seem like a narcissistic act, but the people who are doing it for the right reasons (who, in my opinion, are usually the ones who do it best) know that it is actually about community – finding your “people” inside this wide world of webz, making an authentic place for yourself and working to support and encourage those around you... to actually converse – whether it be about social politics, global politics, or something as seemingly trivial as makeup and/or cats. Yes, it's basic blogging etiquette to reply to a comment left, or even sometimes reciprocal comment on another's blog; but my excitement comes from actually genuine interaction.

Which brings me to my final thought;

5. Blogging is teaching me to be more discerning with where I spend my energy. I tend to be the sort of person who wants to experience everything right now (which also explains why I impulse buy so many books for fear of never seeing them again and losing the promise of exploring a magical world) so I want to follow 10 million instagrammers, and 5 trillion blogs and SEE EVERYTHING EVERYBODY HAS TO SAY! But the truth is, I just can't. It's not physically possible. Instead, i'm trying to focus my energies on people who not only share my passions and world views, but who also want more than to hear their own metaphorical voices on a screen – they actually want to communicate, and be part of an incredible community. Yes. Now that all's said and done - this is the thing I value most about blogging.

Thank you so much to anybody reading this, and to everyone who has made the last year such an incredible one. You rock my casbah <3

- Kobi xx

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH!
FACEBOOK           INSTAGRAM           BLOGLOVIN

My Thoughts on Being a Fat Woman in a Bikini

Last summer was the first time I ever wore a bikini outside of my house, and holy shit it was scary. I'm not gonna lie – it was truly terrifying.

That was also the same week I took these photos with a friend (Tree Faerie), who I totally trusted to let me be myself, and not “improve” me via the magics of photoshop. Don't get me wrong, she did some enhancing of colours etc (these are art shots, darling!), but I know that she wouldn't touch a single roll, pucker, or stretch mark. I adore her for that, and I found the experience incredibly liberating. Fat people's bodies are politicised, and I think it's tremendously important to regain control over that. Make 'em look. Fuck 'em.

THIS FATKINI

This is the Gabi Fresh 'Galaxy' which was very briefly available (they sold out so quickly the system couldn't even keep up) through Swimsuits For All. I very much love the print, the mesh cutouts in the bottoms, and the adjustable staps that span across the front of my chest, but there are a couple of design flaws: the bust is still seriously undersupported (I don't know what the solution is for this, because I know not everybody likes underwire in their 'kini, but I certainly would in this one), and the clasp at the back is one of those sliding ones that flings open with no notice. Awkward!

When I first got this 'kini in the mail I had two polar opposite thoughts – “thank GOD it's extremely high-waisted”, and “Oh BUMMER! It's so high-waisted I may as well be wearing a one piece!” The body pos movement has been bringing about some incredible and long overdue changes within our culture, and with this newfound “trend” of body confidence (I use the word “trend” hesitantly because I hope/don't think it's a flash in the pan fade like scrunchies, or snap bracelets) it's becoming increasingly easier for us bodacious babes to acquire bikinis in our sizes. But, without question, the majority of them are extremely high-waisted, which begs the question – are we truly “confident” if we still have to cover up so much?

Now WAIT!

Before you jump down my throat, please know that this is not an attack on anybody who chooses to wear a high-waisted bikini. As you know I mentioned above, I was relieved and part-delighted to discover I would not have to be baring quite as much of my jiggly, cellulite-y (new word), and stretch marked belly as I thought I would be. But now that i've crossed these waters of confidence, I would like the opportunity to (read: be somewhat forced to) bare a little more. I believe that being confident in your skin is small steps at a time, and although i'm happy with where I am now (in an exceptionally high-waisted two piece), I want to keep walking down this path of complete adoration and love for my body. There are still a lot times where I have to force myself to “fake it till I make it”, and a fatkini that bares a little more of my fat may just be my next hurdle. 

A while ago, Marie Southard Ospina of Migg Magg & Bustle (and whom I ADORE) wrote this awesome article that made a tremendous point about the high-waisted plus size bikini culture, and it floored me because I had been thinking all the same things. Yet, with this article, I felt some ripples amongst the plus-size community, with whispers of the term “small fat”.

Taken this Christmas just past - i'm still rocking this badboy!

“Small Fats”

If you haven't heard of the term “small fat” before, it's found flying around a lot on Tumblr and is used to segregate smaller plus size women, and minimise their feelings about and experiences of being marginalised as a fat person. This makes me SO incredibly angry as I don't in any way agree with degrading somebody else's experiences with their own body. But that's a rant for another time.

I do think that if somebody with a larger and/or (key point, here) less proportioned body were to take a stroll along the beach (and NOT in Spain – let's say, Bondi Beach), the results of the experiment may be markedly different. But my point is that I completely salute Marie for such an excellently thought-provoking article, and even though some people may not agree that their experiences of oppression and social prejudice are the same as hers, the sentiment still stands: are we truly confident if we continue to cover up?

Here's my potential hit-list for the lowest riding bikinis available to fat girls, and BOY was it difficult just to find these. I'm not OBSESSED with any of them, but they are definitely cute! PS . According to my research, 'low-rise' is categorically anything below the belly button. A couple of these are techincally 'mid-rise', but too cute to not make the list. 

Left to Right; Pink Shandy by Swim Sexy || Candy Sweet by Asos Curve || Python Twist Front by Swim Sexy

Left to Right; Scuba Sweetheart by Swim Sexy || Junglebook by Swim Sexy || Sea Reef by Gabi Fresh

Alternatively, you can just DESIGN YOUR OWN! And if you discover any gems yourself, please comment and let me know!

Edit: after much discussion surrounding this article and subsequent subjects on social media, I just want to add an extra paragraph that may elaborate my thoughts a little more... 

I didn't mean to imply that ALL women who wear high-waisted bikinis are trying hide themselves, or that they're a "cheat" bikini. I'm sure that there are other reasons for this preference, such as the retro aesthetic (however I do think it's interesting to consider that the high-waisted fashion was intrinsically a way for women to start to bare more, while still being somewhat conservative... not to mention having the additional benefits of “body sculpting” for maximum levels of attractiveness – both issues that feed the male gaze). I myself genuinely feel more comfortable in high waisted bottoms (all my undies are HW) because my belly is much fatter than my hips/butt and anything that sits under my fat roll feels like it's going to slide right off. However I do think that it's a fair assumption (albeit, just an assumption) that a percentage of women do prefer the HW bikini because it is still a somewhat “safe/r zone”. Just type the words "plus size bikini" into pinterest/google etc and you'll basically only see two-pieces when there's just an inch of skin visible. I don't believe that's coincidence, and that is also reflected in the retail market, being what's available. And my thoughts are that it may be a logical step in the process of a more complete approach to body acceptance that we have the option of baring more of the belly - and are informed on the topic of BA enough to recognise that this may be a viable step that people might want to explore. I definitely wish (for myself) that it were more of a retail option.

I guess that also serves as a TL; DR. Please, let's continue the discussion! :) 

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH!
FACEBOOK           INSTAGRAM           BLOGLOVIN

INSERT OBLIGATORY NEW YEAR POST... (no but really, this was quite cathartic to write)

HAPPIEST OF NEW YEARS! I've been noticing lately that a lot of people found 2014 to be a rough year that they're glad to see the end of. Upon reflection, I must say; I had an absolute rollercoaster with some of the best and worst things of my life occuring in that time... I finished my diploma of design and began my degree, started this here blog, fell into the plus fashion scene and met some truly incredible people – many of whom I now call my friends. But i've also had some health issues, my nana suddenly passed away, severe illness in my family, and my band/plan A broke up (and with it, a dear and longterm friendship).

But, life is nothing if not exciting, and as they say; out with the old and in with the new!

I've long ago given up making new year “resolutions”, but I still like to take some time to stop and reflect on the things i've achieved and learnt, and ask myself what the coming year's priorities will be. Here's what i'm thinking:

BLOG:
Stop thinking of myself as “just a fashion blogger”, and think of myself as a writer – I've always loved writing and I actually started blogging as a means of spewing forth the contents of my brain and finding a way to catalogue and reconcile these jumping jelly bean thoughts whilst exercising my love for the English vernacular. But, you know, being a design student; I quickly got lost on the path of “making pretty” and the words lost out to the pictures. KOBI: DEY ARE BOTH IMPORTANT, 'KAY?!

In what may seem kind of contradictory to the above, I also want to become more familiar with pinterest and tumblr (prettttttty pictures). Possibly since the Alternative Curves ball started rolling, I've been realising just how many like-minded and inspiring people there actually are in the world – and I want to find them where they be lurking. I believe tumblr and pinterest may have a bunch stashed in their strange and foreign lands.



FASHION/STYLE:
This year, I really want to try and limit the amount of mass-produced, “fast-fashion” that I buy. I actually don't think that i'm too bad, given that my main source of clothing is Savers and other thrifted finds. But it can always be better! Especially after becoming friends with some indie designers, i'm really starting to realise how important it is to support small business... especially in the plus fashion market! We can't bitch about huge chains selling us the same styles over and over again in different fabrics with increasingly poor quality and equally increasing price tags if we don't actually take a stand and support the people who are trying to provide variety and quality products. Michelle from Glitter in the Dirt recently interviewed the designers behind Chubby Cartwheels and Domino Dollhouse respectively, and it's a really great read.

With that being said, I do also want to focus on not just recycling, but also upcycling. An awesome blog that focuses on this approach is ReFashionista – although I sometimes despair when she takes plus size/larger sized dresses and tailors them to her small frame. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the fatties who thrift?!


HEALTH:
It's only been in the last couple of years that i've stopped proclaiming my plans to “lose weight” with renewed vigour at the dawning of each January 1st. So it feels kind of weird saying this, but: I need to lose some weight.

But that is not my primary focus, it's actually getting healthy. As I mentioned, i've been having some health issues and it's absolutely definite that the symptons of which will improve when I lose a bit of weight. So, my priorities are establishing a more well-rounded diet of whole foods, cooking more regularly, listening to my body, and finding ways to be active that I enjoy (otherwise I will not make the effort to fit exercise into my schedule).

Last summer I bought a pair of vintage roller skates off eBay and had them fully pimped with fat/phat outdoor wheels. I haven't touched them since... *hangs head* BUT - that's all about to change!

Source

RELATIONSHIPS:
Last but certainly not least is to continue working on my relationships and appreciating my friends to the fullest. This year I will be going away in September for 5/6 months, so before that happens I want to make a big effort to just relax, be in the moment, and hang out with my pals instead of getting swept up in the need to constantly be productive *dun dun dun*.

I don't wanna make a big deal about it, but if we're instagram friends you may know i've also started seeing someone (my first relationship in 4 years), and I think i'm at the point where i'm ready to share my life with somebody instead of make my life about them and losing my all in them. I guess i'm about to put that readiness to the test. Wish me luck!

Do you make new year resolutions/priorities/goals? Have you blogged them? Link me, please! :)

- Kobi xx

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH!
FACEBOOK           INSTAGRAM           BLOGLOVIN

Turn Around, Bright Eyes (Aussie Curves)

The Aussie Curves theme this week is "Then and Now", but I keep thinking of it as now and then, which causes to me to get Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' stuck in my head (because of the repeated lyrics "every now and then I get a little bit.... *insert various thing*).

So. Yes. Ahem. Excuse me.

It's funny, but I do often reflect on how my style has changed in the last couple of years, probably most since i've moved to Melbourne. I believe that's because I suddenly had access to more shops (new and thrift) and also because I felt I could finally, fully unleash my creativity and personal style in this glorious and thriving city.

But what I don't often reflect on is what came before that. Like, early teen and high school.

So I jumped into a long lost box of photos that haven't seen the light of day for, ohhh, probably about 6 years.

Firstly, I was not nearly drunk enough to deal with some of the stuff that was in there.

Secondly, it was SO DAMN DIFFICULT to find any full length photos of me in that era. There were thousands of photos, but so few of me. The most prevalent were group shots, and oh what do you know... I always just so happened to be riiiiiiiight at the back!

15 year old Kobi's uniform - baggy 3/4 denim shorts, stripy knee-high socks, a baggy dark t-shirt and my prized possession; a pair of Oakley sunglasses in pearl white. 

I worked SO HARD to save for those bad boys. 

So I had my hardcore tomboy years in which pants, 3/4 short and t-shirts were all I would ever be caught dead in. Seriously, I wore shorts and t-shirts to go swimming. That outfit on the right (above) with the tight(er) jeans and the blue check shirt... I remember my mum buying me those because she wanted me out of baggy clothes, and that was my only compromise. I still remember how uncomfortable it felt to be so "restricted", but I also remember getting some serious compliments from my friends. That'd never happened before!

And then I started to "develop my style" (hahahaha) by making my own circle skirts (which I would often tuck up into my undies to achieve some weird draping effect I really liked - see top left grey skirt below) and op shopping for black shirts. Seriously, I want to give me a hug right now.

The bottom is my year 12 formal dress that I designed based loosely on a dress Christina Ricci wore in the movie Sleepy Hollow. It was a stunning and unique Victorian bustle dress, and possibly the first time in my life that I ever felt beautiful.

I won't bore you with the story of "and then I transformed, like a caterpillar shedding it's cocoon", because I feel like I crap on about those reflections quite a fair bit.

But what I will say is that THANK GOODNESS I made it through those terrible years of self-hatred. I now see "fashion" (I use inverted commas because fashion to me is just personal style, not actual fashion fashion) as purely a means of expression, and something enjoyable that I choose to do when I want to. Which, granted, is quite a lot.

Some days I feel like getting dressed up and doing my makeup when i'm not even leaving the house. But some days I just go out in a scrubby house dress and not a skerrick of makeup. Point is, the things I put on my body no longer reflect how I feel about myself as a person, and they certainly don't contribute to or impact my feelings of self-worth.

Now, clothes are just for fun.

OUTFIT DETAILS

Dress: thrifted (note, I had to stitch the front closed... #boobieproblems) Boots: Dr Martens, hand-painted by moi Lipstick: Lime Crime Velvetine | Suedeberry

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH!
FACEBOOK           INSTAGRAM           BLOGLOVIN

My Not-So-Secret Secret to Rocking a Crop Top (Aussie Curves)

The Aussie Curves theme this week is 'tee', and I instantly knew I wanted to wear this amazingly awesome Thick Chick crop by Candy Strike. She's one of my absolute favourite indie designers, and I can't wait to treat myself to one of her incredible swimsuits for summer!

Now, the crop top is a subject I feel passionately about. I don't consider myself any kind of croppy-goodness guru because it is still something that pushes me violently out of my comfort zone. BUT - I worked out the secret. And to be honest, I think it's a not-so-secret secret. Are you ready?..

Fake it till you make it.

Seriously, I know it sounds like the biggest pile of codswallop but I SWEAR by it. Obviously you have to get to the point of confidence where you can actually force yourself to leave the house in it, but when you do; hold your head high and put an extra wiggle in your walk, even if you're cringing inside.

If you're not quite there yet, you could start gently by wearing it around the house. Maybe let your partner or housemates see you in it? Then eventually take the dog for a walk, or wear it out for brunch. Just start doing it, and PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A FIG what other people are thinking, and in some amount of time (might be next month, might be next year) you actually won't. I promise.

Now like I said, i'm not being all preachy and know-it-all, i'm just sharing this tip that I discovered. When I first started seeing crop tops on incredible babes like Tess Munster and Gabi Fresh, I always managed to convince myself that it works for them but it wouldn't work for me because they (insert excuse like; "have a better proportioned body", or "don't have as visible stretch marks as me") etc etc. But the other thing that got me through that initial stage was just sheer rebelliousness and rage at the world.

The first time I wore a crop top in public, I was terrified, but more importantly I clung onto the feeling that I was giving the world a big, giant FUCK YOU and flipping it the metaphorical bird. And essentially, that's what I was doing, and that is what all fat girl's do every single time we "break a fashion rule". And I have come to LOVE that feeling so much. And I really think you will too. Give it a go? What's the WORST THING that could happen?..

Thanks to Sam for my photies <3

In summary of my argument - 

OUTFIT DETAILS

Top: Candy Strike

Skirt: K-Mart

Earrings: I bought them at Quick Brown Fox but have also seen them at Kinki Gerlinki

Boots: Docs, painted by me

Head scarf: this eBay seller

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH!
FACEBOOK           INSTAGRAM           BLOGLOVIN