My Thoughts on Being a Fat Woman in a Bikini

Last summer was the first time I ever wore a bikini outside of my house, and holy shit it was scary. I'm not gonna lie – it was truly terrifying.

That was also the same week I took these photos with a friend (Tree Faerie), who I totally trusted to let me be myself, and not “improve” me via the magics of photoshop. Don't get me wrong, she did some enhancing of colours etc (these are art shots, darling!), but I know that she wouldn't touch a single roll, pucker, or stretch mark. I adore her for that, and I found the experience incredibly liberating. Fat people's bodies are politicised, and I think it's tremendously important to regain control over that. Make 'em look. Fuck 'em.

THIS FATKINI

This is the Gabi Fresh 'Galaxy' which was very briefly available (they sold out so quickly the system couldn't even keep up) through Swimsuits For All. I very much love the print, the mesh cutouts in the bottoms, and the adjustable staps that span across the front of my chest, but there are a couple of design flaws: the bust is still seriously undersupported (I don't know what the solution is for this, because I know not everybody likes underwire in their 'kini, but I certainly would in this one), and the clasp at the back is one of those sliding ones that flings open with no notice. Awkward!

When I first got this 'kini in the mail I had two polar opposite thoughts – “thank GOD it's extremely high-waisted”, and “Oh BUMMER! It's so high-waisted I may as well be wearing a one piece!” The body pos movement has been bringing about some incredible and long overdue changes within our culture, and with this newfound “trend” of body confidence (I use the word “trend” hesitantly because I hope/don't think it's a flash in the pan fade like scrunchies, or snap bracelets) it's becoming increasingly easier for us bodacious babes to acquire bikinis in our sizes. But, without question, the majority of them are extremely high-waisted, which begs the question – are we truly “confident” if we still have to cover up so much?

Now WAIT!

Before you jump down my throat, please know that this is not an attack on anybody who chooses to wear a high-waisted bikini. As you know I mentioned above, I was relieved and part-delighted to discover I would not have to be baring quite as much of my jiggly, cellulite-y (new word), and stretch marked belly as I thought I would be. But now that i've crossed these waters of confidence, I would like the opportunity to (read: be somewhat forced to) bare a little more. I believe that being confident in your skin is small steps at a time, and although i'm happy with where I am now (in an exceptionally high-waisted two piece), I want to keep walking down this path of complete adoration and love for my body. There are still a lot times where I have to force myself to “fake it till I make it”, and a fatkini that bares a little more of my fat may just be my next hurdle. 

A while ago, Marie Southard Ospina of Migg Magg & Bustle (and whom I ADORE) wrote this awesome article that made a tremendous point about the high-waisted plus size bikini culture, and it floored me because I had been thinking all the same things. Yet, with this article, I felt some ripples amongst the plus-size community, with whispers of the term “small fat”.

Taken this Christmas just past - i'm still rocking this badboy!

“Small Fats”

If you haven't heard of the term “small fat” before, it's found flying around a lot on Tumblr and is used to segregate smaller plus size women, and minimise their feelings about and experiences of being marginalised as a fat person. This makes me SO incredibly angry as I don't in any way agree with degrading somebody else's experiences with their own body. But that's a rant for another time.

I do think that if somebody with a larger and/or (key point, here) less proportioned body were to take a stroll along the beach (and NOT in Spain – let's say, Bondi Beach), the results of the experiment may be markedly different. But my point is that I completely salute Marie for such an excellently thought-provoking article, and even though some people may not agree that their experiences of oppression and social prejudice are the same as hers, the sentiment still stands: are we truly confident if we continue to cover up?

Here's my potential hit-list for the lowest riding bikinis available to fat girls, and BOY was it difficult just to find these. I'm not OBSESSED with any of them, but they are definitely cute! PS . According to my research, 'low-rise' is categorically anything below the belly button. A couple of these are techincally 'mid-rise', but too cute to not make the list. 

Left to Right; Pink Shandy by Swim Sexy || Candy Sweet by Asos Curve || Python Twist Front by Swim Sexy

Left to Right; Scuba Sweetheart by Swim Sexy || Junglebook by Swim Sexy || Sea Reef by Gabi Fresh

Alternatively, you can just DESIGN YOUR OWN! And if you discover any gems yourself, please comment and let me know!

Edit: after much discussion surrounding this article and subsequent subjects on social media, I just want to add an extra paragraph that may elaborate my thoughts a little more... 

I didn't mean to imply that ALL women who wear high-waisted bikinis are trying hide themselves, or that they're a "cheat" bikini. I'm sure that there are other reasons for this preference, such as the retro aesthetic (however I do think it's interesting to consider that the high-waisted fashion was intrinsically a way for women to start to bare more, while still being somewhat conservative... not to mention having the additional benefits of “body sculpting” for maximum levels of attractiveness – both issues that feed the male gaze). I myself genuinely feel more comfortable in high waisted bottoms (all my undies are HW) because my belly is much fatter than my hips/butt and anything that sits under my fat roll feels like it's going to slide right off. However I do think that it's a fair assumption (albeit, just an assumption) that a percentage of women do prefer the HW bikini because it is still a somewhat “safe/r zone”. Just type the words "plus size bikini" into pinterest/google etc and you'll basically only see two-pieces when there's just an inch of skin visible. I don't believe that's coincidence, and that is also reflected in the retail market, being what's available. And my thoughts are that it may be a logical step in the process of a more complete approach to body acceptance that we have the option of baring more of the belly - and are informed on the topic of BA enough to recognise that this may be a viable step that people might want to explore. I definitely wish (for myself) that it were more of a retail option.

I guess that also serves as a TL; DR. Please, let's continue the discussion! :) 

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Brags, and a Fatkini, and Bye-Bye for Two Weeks!

Sadly, this might be my last blog post for a couple of weeks. I'm going back to visit my mum and to go to the Byron Bay Bluesfest (!!), and I have to tether internet through my phone and it's usually pretty crappy reception in the hills. Boooooo. I will miss my little blog-a-log! But on the plus side, (I totally just wrote plus size – ha! freudian slip), I will have sooooo many exciting things to share when I get back. AND, i'm sure i'll still be Instagramming like a fiend, so if we're not IG pals – let's make it happen! I'm HERE.

Firstly, I just wanted to brag (modestly, of course) about two things.

First one is: I just ordered some stuff from Candy Strike!! I'm very naughty, but I just CANNOT help myself. Mwa ha haaaaa.

Second one is: I am one of the Nearsighted Owl's Fat Babes! And I couldn't be more stoked with how I (we) turned out. Gomez is particularly chuffed that he got a look in, and that, in this case, the 'camera' LOST 5 pounds! What a svelte little boy :)

Fat Babify yourself HERE!

The last thing I wanted to share is something i've been meaning to for a while, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. Tomorrow, I will be on the beach in my fatkini, and it will be my second holiday back home in which I get a chance to wear it. The last one was over the Christmas/Summer break, and a photographer friend asked if i'd like to do a shoot in it. And that was FRICKEN scary. So I said yes. And here they are.

Please note, although some of the colours and contrast have been altered, these photos have in no other way been modified. All stretch marks, cellulite, flabs and rolls are exactly as they are in real life.

Bikini is by Gabi Fresh. I adore it <3

Photos by the one and only Tree Faerie.

The experience itself was all the things I expected it to be; exciting, scary, liberating, exposing. But to really top it all off, Eve (Tree Faerie) has been making a website called thetriggerwarning.com in which she interviews people about their real life experiences. So after the photo session, she asked if she could do a video interview with me. WELL, that was the scary part. The first time i've ever had to talk about all this body postivity stuff, at length, with conviction, and WITHOUT being drunk! Sheesh. Here's the video. You can see my nerves. Eve did a beautiful job, and I can't thank her enough for the experience.

Have an amazing couple of weeks, friends! xx